Friday, August 29, 2008

Black people are better than white people

Because Stephen A. Smith says so, thats why.

or just the quote:

"But honestly, I'm not surprised to learn that so few blacks are among the 30 million people who participate in fantasy sports. I've always thought that a lot of these guys (and 96% of them are guys) are nerds desperately in need of more sociable leisure-time activities. Leisure time for black folks historically consists of direct interaction, the kind of experience you get at a family barbecue or hanging out with friends. Sitting in front of a computer screen pretending to be Bill Parcells? Sounds like work to me."


Whoah... Hold on buddy. Not only is this one of the most closed-minded things i've heard in the last 20 minutes or so, but you've totally missed the point of fantasy football all together. It is a sociable leisure-time activity. We DO have direct interaction, and its better than a FAMILY barbecue because your family is usually fucking annoying if you were to see them every Sunday. (rant about friends: you choose you're friends because you can, you're stuck with family.... ok back to regular rant). We are pretty damn sociable in our fantasy league.

Now... Onto a racist-ish rant.

Mr. Smith was asked to write about why so few black people choose not to play fantasy. (I like how at the end of the article he touches on the socio-economic issue, but its merely and afterthought considering he speaks for every black male in the world)

So, most of the fantasy players are white. This is well known. It's not an 'issue.' If you don't want to play I don't really care. Its the whole 'nerd, need more social activity, comparing it to how black folk are' thing. I really hate how generalizations like this can come from a black man when this can get me in a heap of trouble:

"Most of the players in the NBA are black, and I've always thought of these guys as thugs in need of more education and less guns/drugs/felonies/(insert other generalizations of NBA players)"

More hate on Dallas soon, when there is actually more than meaningless Astro games on.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Something is wrong with this picture.



I'm pretty sure the Bucs and the Lightning have both won the big one this decade.



Not feeling very confident.

For my fantasy team that is.

My first WR pick, Braylon Edwards, cut his foot last week playing without shoes and its a lingering thing. I'm hoping hes a pro about it.

Dieon Branch may not even play this year! What the fuck is that?

Antonio Gates has a toe injury that I never heard about, and he hasn't played in the preseason

Marc Bulger has been having problems in the preseason also.

The good thing is we are playing a 10 team playoffs this year, so anything can happen at the end of the season, as long as I'm not in that last 4 slots.

And so Year 2 begins.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Is Losing 'OK'?

I was listening to the radio and I heard a man preach about losing, and how it was ok if you gave 100%. I'm just going to throw my opinion out on this one without a care in the world. If I had more than one reader I would put a poll up on this.

Fuck that.

It's not 'OK.' You lost. Suck it the fuck up. Just admit that you lost, and try your fucks best to win the next time. Instead of telling these kids its ok, 'oh its ok honey, you gave it your hardest.' Fuck that. Heres a conversation I would have with my on child if I had said child.

"Listen son. You lost, it's not ok. It's a shame, but you can't be let off the hook with these 'you tried your hardest' shit. Try harder next time. "

This mentality is just another one of those pussifying America mentalities.

hmm, ok thats about it.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Captain! Engage hyperbolic rockets!

ENGAGED!

note: the headline to this on the frontpage actually says "Meet the best-kept secret in the NFL "

That headline got my head turning before I even clicked on the link. The best kept secret? Really? Will he be a good pick up for my fantasy draft? Oh man I gotta read this.

If I am starting an NFL team, and I can pick one player to lead my franchise for now and in the future, I'm taking Seahawks linebacker Lofa Tatupu.

Oh.

That's right. You take your quarterback or the stud running back for your fantasy team or the defensive player who does soup commercials or likes to dance after a sack.
Give me 26-year-old Lofa Tatupu.


I wish I could have been next to this guy as he was writing this sentence. All I would need is a megaphone to shout in his ear... the loudest WRONG!!!! he would ever hear, possibly destroying his eardrums in the process.

Question: Who is your #1 pick in a hypothetical draft of current active NFL players?

Sane person answer: Tom Brady (before I bash his knee caps)

Insane person answer: Lofa Tatupu

Theres alot of arguments to be made here, and not everyone would agree with me .. .. but .. ..

What would you rather have?

1. Lofa Tatupu on a decent defense, with an offense headed up by Rex Grossman, Tavaris Jackson, or David Carr.

or

2. Tom Brady on a decent offense, with an average defense such as the Texans?

Answer number 1 and you have failed at life (again).

Friday, August 15, 2008

Shirt

I've made a shirt.
Actually, I make shirts all the fucken time...

you can view all them here

But I've made this shirt:



I'm thinking of wearing this every Sunday that I go to a bar. Just to see what happens. Maybe it will be a cool experiment or my ultimate death by the hands of a crazed mexican cowboy fan mob. edit: if for some reason you can't read it, it says... Dallas Cowboy Fan? Die in a fire please.

*hate

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Obligatory Prediction Post

...or OPP as I like to call it... are you down with . .. sorry

Well fine readers (read: Jonathan ("Donovan") & Jason ("Kix") (maybe Adam("Mitch")) god I love parentheses) its almost football time. That means its time for predictions. I'm only doing the NFL this year because, well because there are just way too many fucking teams in college. LET'S GET IT ON!

note: the records I post make no sense in the big picture, because the league Win-Loss record will not match up to this. It's just a way for me to look good (or really bad) at the end of the season.

AFC:

North:
Steelers 11-5 - Division still sucks.
Bengals 10-6 - Little bit of bounceback im thinking
Browns 8-8 - They sort of caught lightning in a bottle last year (or maybe a spark?) they won't repeat the near playoff appearance type season
Ravens 6-10 - Pffft.

East:
Patriots 14-2 - Any doubt of this is stupid.
Jets 9-7 - Farve? Still don't care.
Bills 6-10 - Who the fuck cares about the Bills?
Dolphins 4-12 - Yeah well.

South:
Jaguars 13-3 - This team looks solid.
Colts 10-6 - This may be the downfall.
Texans 9-7 - This is about as optimistic as I can be.
Titans 7-9 - Fuck the Titans.

West:
Chargers 11-5 - I can see them choking games.
Chiefs 9-7 - I see a bounce back
Broncos 6-10 - Yeah whatever, terrible
Raiders 3-13 - There is no future for this team

NFC

North:
Vikings 11-5 - This is there oppurtunity to get it done
Packers 9-7 - This is a total fucken guess, bears and lions are terrible so its not that bad
Bears 7-9 - And that is with some luck probably
Lions 5-11 - Kitna the crazy buzzed head christian interception machine!

East:
Cowboys 13-3 - Son....Of...A...BITCH! Die in a fucking fire.
Redskins 10-6 - I like their chances this year... sort of.
Giants 8-8 - Meh, won't fluke it again.
Eagles 6-10 - McNabb goes down again in week 3, bank on it.

South: (NFC south and west are wastes of time but I'm gonna guess at it anyway)
Saints 10-6 - saint fan: "who dat say gon beat them" SHUT THE FUCK UP
Bucs 8-8 - ?
Panthers 5-11 - Don't pick up Jake Delhome (sp?) in the draft!
Falcons 3-13 - (Laughs)

West:
Rams 10-6 - Random off the wall, They shouldn't be that fucking bad.. kinda guess
Seahawks 8-8 - Every year they find a way, fuck that this year.
Cardinals 7-9 - I forget these guys exist... frequently.
49ers 5-11 - Alex Smith... har har


And... I'm spent
Lets see how shitty I do when January comes around!

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Poor poor (Devil) Rays.

They drop the Devil and all of a sudden they are fucken good.

Then what do you know... the one fucking time they were doing good, their 2 best position players go down roughly at the same time. These guys aren't coming back anytime soon. Carl Crawford fractured his wrist. You don't just ice that shit down. Longoria... well he was on a tear, now hes watching from the bench.

I think they should sign Barry Bonds. Why the fuck not, he could just DH if anything. He's the best available option. I'm confident he could come in right now out of shape and do pretty damn well.

I would just like to thank the Gods for fucking with me on this. I really believed the Rays were headed to the playoffs, and I was looking forward to NOT seeing the Yankees in October. Well, maybe the Twins can fend off the Yankees for the wild card.

Never-the-less, we are still in for the inevitable Red Sox playing in the playoffs and Papelbon doing some kind of Irish dance and blah blah blah blah. Fuck Boston. Fuck New York. Fuck San Antonio. And Fuck Dallas. WHERES HOUSTON. I WANT TO BE RELEVANT!

god damnit

Friday, August 8, 2008

I disagree. And you suck cockz!!11!!eleven!1

http://msn.foxsports.com/mlb/story/8390368/This-year,-wild-card-is-hurting,-not-helping?MSNHPHCP&GT1=39002

Sure, the wild card has added drama to the regular season and engaged more fans in more cities. However, let's not forget that the wild card comes with a cost. That cost is the division race between two or more truly great teams. Think about it: In the wild-card era, when two division rivals are among the best teams in the game there's often less at stake because the second-place team has the wild card berth to fall back on. Remember the classic NL West race of '93, when the 104-win Braves won the division and the 103-win Giants failed to make the postseason? Those days are mostly over, thanks to the "hedge effect" of the wild card.

Would anyone agree with this? I don't even like his evidence he provides to back up his opinion. It was good that a 103 win team didn't make the playoffs, because of a regular season race? Wouldn't it be even more excited had their been a Wild Card at that time and the two teams met? Division races are division races, the wild card doesn't change that too much. You still want that banner right? I see his point, but he wrote a whole article on the matter. No way should you argue that it was better before. So instead of 4 teams in the playoffs there would be 3. Fuck that. I like the playoffs. I like seeing wild cards threaten incumbent division winners. It's dramatic, it makes even greater storylines than this 103 no postseason Giants shit, and it makes great baseball happen.

Oh and dick piss fuck ass. Fuck your midget mom in the eye, piss on her face, and stab her with a pencil in the cunt.

/post sucked without more cussing

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Metallica challange

In honor of going to ozzfest and seeing Metallica for the first time in my life im going to listen to every Metallica song in chronological order (by album I mean)

First up is Kill 'em All. This should be fun.

Deadspin commenter hits nail on head.

FiddlingWhileJimRomeBurns at 07:02 AM

Patriots @ Jets. Jets @ Patriots.

Here's to rooting for the meteor.

And he's a Jet. If you don't know "he" you suck, fuck you and that nuclear bunker you've been living in for the past month. "Here's to rooting for the meteor." Now usually I go with the old "How cool would it be if a plane full of explosives crashed onto the field?" but meteor works too. What better spot to put an aging hall of fame quarterback. Now not only will have a huge problem getting ready on a new time in very minimal time, but even guys who are on the top of their game would have trouble finding success on the J-E-T-S. Yes Jet fan, you have even more of a reason now to yell that for no fucking reason. After you pick horrendously at the draft, yell it anyway, fuck it!

Here's my ultimate sports disaster that would work in my favor:

The Cowboys are playing the Patriots, in Wrigley field somehow right. The Yankees plane has the underbelly secretly stored with C4, it is flying over Chicago. It is Cubs night at the ball park and the full squad is getting introduced midfield by Manu Ginobli.

Mayday! Mayday!

What's yours?

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Stop!

Astros, please don't do this.
If I may try to put what your doing into a metaphor:
Your punching a pencil hole into a giant black blanket blocking the light. Ooo that was a terrible attempt.

You're going to give Drayton and Wade (and whoever else that still thinks every year can be '05) the hope they need to continue to butcher the fucking team.

Great. You're winning series and sweeping the Mets, and shutting teams out.
This is what Drayton needs to hear: every. team. gets. hot.
Every team gets hot once in a while. This is not the team clicking. This is not the team turning around the season and swooping down from the sky and snatching a wild card.

You know what the scariest thought is? The Astros finishing a few games out of the wild card.
Can you imagine the optimism Drayton would have after a finish like that? Enough optimism to sign pitchers. Pitchers like Woody Williams, Randy Wolf, LaTroy Hawkins, Dan Miceli, Jason Jennings.............................

Operator: 911 What's your emergency?

Caller: Yes theres a man here that seems to have shot himself in the head while simultaneous swallowing a cyanide pill! I think he's dead!

Operator: (background) god damnit another one. Yes sir, all our emergency services are busy dealing with the mass suicides around town.

---------

Ed Wade: Drayton sir! There have been mass suicides around town after the news our new signings.

Drayton McLane: Fuck 'em, it doesn't matter! Theres enough Mets, Cardinals, Cubs, and Dodger fans to fill them seats. We allready cater to them better than our own fans. Now go fire all those negro fellas working the gates!!

Monday, August 4, 2008

I watched football last night.

Yes.
I watched Colt Brennan throw passes to some random 3rd string WR.
I watched second string special teams drop routine balls.
I watched Mike Hart run in a NFL uniform.

I watched a whole bunch of pointless shit.

And it was great.