Friday, October 23, 2009
2. The Ed Wade bashing is fine I guess... he has nothing on his resume that makes you want to praise the man. However, Philadelphia.... That man practically built your '08 World Series winning team, and this years NL pennant winner (maybe back-to-back WS winner since it hasn't started yet). Stop calling in to the sports radio (why do you live here by the way? Fuck, go away) bitching about how Ed Wade sucked for you guys and now the Astros will suck always because of him. He built your team! We have a bleak near future, but its not even half Ed Wade's fault.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
>Unwisely sucked in by Teixeira's RBI total (he presently leads Mauer 86 to 73)? Don't be. Teixeira has more RBI than Mauer only because he's had many more RBI opportunities (he's had 362 runners on base ahead of him this season, while Mauer has had just 228). More to the point, Teixeira has driven in 15.5 percent of runners in 2009, and Mauer has driven in 22.4 percent.
I'm glad someone actually looks at this besides baseball fans.
These are some things you want to see, in the style of college football.
1. Houston defeating Texas Tech, 9-26-09, Robertson Stadium.
A. This would kick ass.
B. We don't have to watch them hang around the top of the Big 12 South all season, only to lose to someone by 60.
C. This would kick fucking ass.
2. Florida vs Tennessee 9-19-09, Gainseville, Florida.
A. The .01% chance that Tenn. actually wins would be awesome.
B. Seeing Florida put up 179 points on Lane Kiffin's mouth would also be funny.
C. This one will be in caps because this is what should happen: AFTER TENN. IS LOSING BY 80 IN THE THIRD QUARTER, SOMEONE GETS A MASSIVE CHEAP SHOT ON BABY JESUS TEBOW AND BREAKS HIS LEGS. The world would love the guy who does this, as much as that guy who tore up Brady's knee.
3. Any Syracuse game that Greg Paulus is still the starting QB.
I'm a pretty negative guy when it comes to sports, unless its my team, so I like to root(is that right, root?) for failure. This guy has all the tools to be a terrible failure in all the right ways. He hasn't played QB in years, he's been a basketball player his whole college career. He's played basketball AT DUKE, that is instant douche right there. It's Syracuse. This could turn out to be fantastically bad.
4. Ohio State defeats USC 3-0, 9-12-09, Columbus, OH.
OSU and USC combine for 80 yards total offense and 14 total turnovers. USC fumbles on their own 1 yard line, only for OSU to suck badly enough to have to kick a field goal for the win. This negates all talk of the teams all year, and taking their pitiful conferences out of the championship hunt.
5. Baylor defeats Oklahoma, 10-10-09, Norman, OK.
This is actually a bigger stretch than Tebow getting his legs broken. However, Baylor made noise last year and they have a Vick'ish QB. I remember a certain someone named Reggie McNeal coming in for Texas A&M beating Oklahoma, although it was in College Station. Oh, how awesome would this be. Make this happen.
Lane's conference winner prediction of the week that is completely biased (LCWPOTWTICB) - PAC-10 - California. Every year they are "suppose" to be good, and I have no idea about their team at all. They are a gay ass bear. Just do USC.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Let us tally the preseason injuries + 1 dumb asshole who won't his 9 million dollar for a year contract.
Brian Cushing - indefinite as of now
Jacque Reeves - at least 6 weeks
Cato June - No idea, they won't say whats wrong his Knee
Dunta Robinson - Won't fucking sign his deal, cock.
That is 4 starting defense players not available right now. This does not mean shit, because we have yet to have even the first preseason game. However, this is not the way I wanted to start off my 2009 footblog-o-season.
Jonathan, it's time to come back man. No need to talk about the horrible Astros anymore.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
David Blaine Street Magic Youtube Edition - this is hit or miss, for some I guess. I laughed my ass off just because of the stare the guy does into the camera. The over top fagginess which makes it almost not faggy of the 2 guys, isn't really that funny. The stare!
The End of Ze World - Quote machine.
Bill O'Reilly We'll Do it Live - I get that mad all the time, no one laughs and video tapes me.
Grape Lady - BWAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA. Is that a fucking kangaroo dying?
Mike Tyson's Brunch Out - I wish you had children so I could step on their genitals.
Devil & the Shoe Store - Damn I love this video
Casey Kasem Is Don on the Phone - AND WHAT HAPPENED TO THE PICTURES... He goes from cool to head spin in like 10 seconds. Awesome.
Flight of the Conchords - Business Time - It's business... It's business time!
Leroy Jenkins - Probably because I played WoW for a time a while back
Group X - Idioth - Pretty much any of the Group X goodies will do here. The prank calls are hilarious also.
And loads more that im not going to waste time posting...
Saturday, May 30, 2009
I turned on some Dodgers game the other day, and as I'm watching it all I can think about is how the Astros are so terrible. After a while I just turned the TV off again. Probably didn't even watch a whole inning.
I used to like baseball, no matter who was playing.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Totally need to just delete this thing but whatever.
*Jake Peavey couldn't help us if he won 18 games and hit 10 homeruns in the next 4 months*
That's all I got. Stop calling into sports radio saying we should try to get Jake Peavey because he's good friends with Roy.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Anyways. This is a lame attempt to try and defend some music opinions I have, because I'm tired of people telling me how crappy my music is.
Lynyrd Skynyrd - Give me a better argument than "Down South Hillbilly Wanna Be Country Shit Music." Yes, you don't like listening to them, give me specific examples and I will awesomely say "Hey I respect that opinion." If you are trying to convince me that I'm a retard for listening to them, and you say "Because they are crappy southern rock hillbillys" please leave my sight, for you have failed horribly at debating your cause.
Guns N Roses - November Rain - You will never convince me that this song sucks. Stop trying. I don't care how much of a douche Axl is. If I'm at your house or something, change the song. If you're at my place and it's on, shut the fuck up or walk away.
Also honorable mentions are Mid Nineties Metallica, Old Korn, and Tool. Metallica changed their pace, it's not worth breaking shit over. Change happens. Get over it. The older Korn stuff I can still play. I don't like the last 10 years or so, but to each his own. And tool... I love tool. You can always tell the guy talking about how Tool sucks has never really listened to them. One of his buddies told him that tool sucks and hes just replaying the same message in his head to sound cool.
NOW! Flame me for my disgusting musical opinions. I'm sorry I like popular stuff!!! Elitists, tear me down!!!
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
-They booked Hunter Pence in a hotel with a glass sliding door.
-Kaz's needed a day to walk around and say "You have no marbles!"
-They're watching Major League 1 & 2. See above reason.
-Lance and Roy needed they day to figure out if they are going to drop their no trade clause by July.
-The starting rotation needed to go bury their money somewhere (ya know, becuase they won't ever pitch again soon... thats a stretch I know)
They really need the whole day today to reflect on their performance of the past week? Seriously, thats not good. They need to be hitting balls right now to break out of this stuff.
To put -SOMETHING-ANYTHING- positive in a post, I'll say this: Hunter is looking a little more mature at the plate it seems. That or it only seems that way because he's the only one hitting anything. I've actually seem him take a pitch or 2 in the little time I've watched.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Runs - 16 - 29th in MLB
Hits - 50 - T-22 in MLB
Doubles - 5 - 30th in MLB
Team Average - .250 - 18th in MLB
8 HRs given - Right in the middle of the pack
41 Strikeouts - Right in the middle of the pack
24 Walks - 16/low 33/high
Opponent On Base - .382 (!) - 28th
ERA - 6.23 - T-27th
We knew the pitching was going to be bad. There was only a little glimmer of hope inside of me that wanted the pitching to be better than we expected. Whats with the batting? Kyle Lohse retiring 24 straight? Watching these guys... there's not enough beer it seems.
It's getting very old bashing on these guys, yet there is nothing I can say good about this team. Albert Pujols continues his reign of King Everything Against Houston. 6 games is like 3% of the season, but it's sure easy to get discouraged about a 1-5 start. Roy gets hammered, our batting is crappy on epic levels, our farm system was unanimously ranked 30 of 30 in the MLB. Were we insane to listen to Cecil and everyone agree with him about the 90 game thing?
I hope they run like the next 10 straight to get our hopes up again.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
In all seriousness, these are the kind of games we need to pull out. There were more than enough of these type of games last season to put us into the playoffs had we won them. Alas, we cannot bring players in scoring position home, and last season is history.
Here here for optimism!
Monday, April 6, 2009
This is supposed to be a hate-on-Dallas-type-thing, so I'll say fuck Dallas.
Actually the Rangers are winning the boot series 5-3, yet the Astros are winning the series 25-23. Split the series and it goes to runs scored, and the Rangers score runs. As I type this they are leading the Indians 7 to 1 on opening day.
Did you see the New York Times predictions for the American League?
Prediciting the Royals to win the central, well theres your "out of the blue" pick. Picking the Cubs and Yankees in the world series? Hey now don't get too crazy with those picks.
I think Mike Hampton sprained his eye lash driving to the stadium.
I heard the Astros invited Shane Reynolds (and others) to the opening day festivities. I think he could make the rotation.
Roy v Carlos!
Hunter Pence no blinking stare acid trippy thing!
Michael Bo...errr Lance Berkman! yeah there we go.
And probably alot of blue in the fucking stands, because Cub fans blow donkey balls.
Friday, April 3, 2009
FUCK ALL THAT THOUGH, THE PIRATES LOST TO A JUCO SCHOOL.
Thank you, thank you, thank you Pittsburgh. Look, the computers have you guys finishing ahead of us in the division. I know that one game where you play your scrubs and you lose to a JuCo school is no indication of a teams' play... but atleast you get our minds off our horrible starting pitching, and we can make fun of a division rival.
As a guy on the radio said: "Look, you lost to a team named after an aquatic cow."
Pittsburgh will probably take the season series... again.
Friday, March 6, 2009
>"Only four spots are available on the Astros: one starting pitcher, two catchers and a backup infielder who can play shortstop and second base. Abercrombie, an outfielder, and Johnson, a third baseman, probably won't make the cut..."
Well that sucks.
There's nothing to say about this. Just take a look at the roster and say "theres only one starting pitcher spot available." Don't worry, that puke taste in your mouth won't last too long. I feel like we're in the movie Major League, and Rachel Phelps is trying to move the team to Miami.
Imagine reading and then having to answer this question:
>"According to early reports, Russ Ortiz looks good. If Ortiz can get close to his 2004 form and makes the rotation, how much better do you think the staff is and who do you think will be the odd man out?"
I wouldn't want to. I would respond: Have you ever played 5 card draw poker? This is your hand: Jack of Hearts, 9 of spades, 7 of clubs, 5 of diamonds, and 3 of spades. Draw four... No. Fold. It's time to think longterm, and I would use the "bandaid" metaphor thing... but we aren't using bandaids anymore. The bandaid was falling off and now we are just duct taping the bandaid back on over and over.
>"...but I can see him pitching beyond the three years remaining on his contract. Oswalt doesn't care about stats or the Hall of Fame; he just wants to win a World Series. If the Houston's farm system indeed is back on track and churning out the Major League talent by then, and the Astros again are perennial playoff contenders, I think Oswalt might stretch his career out longer than he thinks he will..."
I love me some Roy. He's a great pitcher and he's doesn't care about much other than winning. He could have gotten more money somewhere else with his last contract. He could be out there whining and bitching about how our team resembles a pick up softball league team (zing!). He's not that guy. He's simply a bad ass.
I also share Footer's opinion on the matter of Roy hanging it up at the end of the contract. Somehow we build a team that is capable of winning more than half our games, he'll stick around.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
So instead of posting more crap about what pisses me off or what songs I like right now or some other mindless babble.....
WHAT THE HELL IS THERE TO KEEP UP WITH IN FEBRUARY-APRIL "DEAD FUCKING ZONE OF SPORTS"
Basketball... I can't watch it. The pros try to make it interesting, yet everytime I hear "Well he's SoAndSo player, he is going to get that call" it makes me want to puke. Why? College ball is a little better I suppose, but I can complain alot about that too. Maybe I just don't like basketball.
Does anyone watch hockey? Can you watch hockey? I've only seen it at bars or highlights on espn. I could get into that, but it would take a full season for me to "get" the game.
I guess the tournament can be fun to talk about / have an office bracket. Hurry up with that though, Ive heard more sports talk radio about what hairspray the guys use or what color their car is... terrible.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Not all of these things I'm going to list will apply to everyone, but every office has their quirks and shit.
-Repetitive bullshit. Like the Edward Norton's character said. Everything is just a copy. A scanned in, photocopy of another thing. Sit in this chair behind this desk for 8 hours a day, 40 hours a week. Hey did you know that 40 hour weeks @ 50 weeks a year = 2000 hours? Did you know that you sleep an average of 2500 hours a year. Did you know that there's only 8760. In case you suck at math, Sleeping & Working (40h weeks) = ~50% of your life in a year.
-Co-workers retarded daily habits/noises/mannerisms. The guy I share my office with, sneezes no less than 75 times a day. He is a very loud sneezer. I don't want to say anything because its just me being annoyed all the time at work. But shouldn't you go see a doctor about that? This isn't a seasonal/allergy/cold thing. This is perpetual... all year long.
-"I've got 8 different bosses Bob. 8 Bosses." Yeah I've got like 5. It's fucking stupid, and just like Office Space, if something goes wrong, most of them let me know via yellin at me. I've got some old school bosses too, so if they need to lay into me they aren't holding back. None of this P.C. shit. "Listen, you need to fucking get the ball rolling, I'm tired of this shit where you don't do any fucking work"
"Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our great war is a spiritual war. Our great depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars, but we won't. We're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off. "
Materialism sucks. I'm caught up in it to an extent too I guess. I'm at work right now to pay for shit like a car, guitar shit, shiny fancy utterly worthless shit I suppose.
"Human beings were not meant to sit in little cubicles staring at computer screens all day"
Yep. Can't agree with this more. Fuck this idea. The sound of people's voices in my office are enough to set me off into a fucking angry yelling match inside my head. That is not good, this means I'm not the type to sit in an office all day.
You see, Bob, it's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care. It's a problem of motivation, all right? Now if I work my ass off and Initech ships a few extra units, I don't see another dime, so where's the motivation?
Yeah, when you get paid trashcans, whats the fucking point? I don't work my ass off on purpose, because if I do more work and not get credit for it, my mind thinks its been cheated and goes into pissed off mode (which im in 90% of the time anyway, I don't need any help with this)
I should have called this blog Negative Nancy's hideout or something. Tune in next week for "completley mindless babble and ranting about how car squeaks and wind piss Lane off"
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
I looked into that Paleo stuff a little, but I'm confused. I get the whole natural food things, but damn I've read some crazy restrictions. Why are peanuts so bad... *must avoid* Green beans? I would have figured crazy old cavemen would have encounter those and eaten them at some point.
Maybe you wrote or linked this, but I remember reading about how your familys history could have something to do with how your body reacts to some foods. Example: *Rule: avoid rice* Though, if you are Chinese/Japanese, they've eaten rice so damn long that their genetics have possibly adapted? Maybe its all the fish they eat, I don't know.
The binge drinking and following hungover compulsive eating has got to stop at some point. When I drink, I DRINK. The last month I have been chronicling everything I've put into my body. Some Friday/Saturday's i've put up to 200 oz of bud light a night. Ridiculous. Still managed to LOSE a minimal amount of weight, even though I was trying to just maintain it. Which leads me to believe I've been losing more muscle than fat.
Do you plan stuff out before doing it, or are you one of those people who can just keep a routine without actively thinking about it? I've noticed in myself that I when I plan to do something, I can do it and get in a routine... then maybe a wrench gets thrown in there and I totally screw EVERYTHING up for as long as a week or 2. On a long enough timeline, everything just evens out... 2-3 weeks of doing everything right and a week of ignoring everything is just like a step forward and a step backwards.
Ehhhh, I can't wait for baseball season to start so we can type meaninglessly about how bad our 3rd basemen are, or how our second basemen is on pace for 3 homeruns in July.
Friday, February 6, 2009
I don't care about basketball. Football is dead. Baseball is still a ways away.
- Texans apparently violated some rules about contact in minicamp or something. Who cares.
- Phelps ganja smoking? Why is this such a big deal?
- Crossfit stuff is still hurting me everytime I do it. I haven't got the nerve to try 3 in a week yet.
- Finally got a tube amp. It's great, but I still don't agree with those elitist guys who say solid state amps are terrible no matter what. Amp doesn't make the player.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
"Keith Law from ESPN announced his 2009 organizational farm system rankings (ESPN Insider password required) this week, and the minor league system of your Washington Nationals ranked 29th out of 30 MLB franchises, ahead of the Houston Astros."
This has GOT to be posted on some kind of bulletin board @ the Astros front office.
Friday, January 9, 2009
Can Texas get the 1 loss love for the next decade or so? Oklahoma proved once again that they don't deserve it right now. Stoops, aren't you like 1-7 in your bowl games now? Atleast Mack wins the fucking bowl games he gets.
Can we turn a new page next year regarding the favoritism showed to some teams?
Ohio State? ITS NOT 2002! Stop putting them at the fucking top, they play a weaaaaak fucking conference.
USC? They are pretty good every year but Jesus can they get an easier road to the championship game? WAKE THE FUCK UP PAC-10
Oklahoma, see last night. Go away.
Florida/LSU - I can't bitch too much, the SEC has been pretty good as of late and been taking care of business in the bowl games.
Not going to bitch about Texas, im a homer and they did get partially (PARTIALLY: see Utah) screwed.
Um. Friday. Yea.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
"Team x beat team y, but team z beat team x so automatically z > y."
Even the common opponent argument is crappy to me. No argument will ever be as great as arguing for a team that beat another team on the field of battle, and that is that.
I'm trying to not sound too much like sour grapes, but it will happen none-the-less. Since Texas had a tough time dispatching Ohio State, Florida and Oklahoma both could beat Texas easily - that's an easy and popular statement to make today, but this is far from being justifiable. There has been more than enough evidence show this year to think that Texas could beat any team in the country.
Now, someone make the case for Utah, because you know... that Alabama win.... well... let's just say that 13-0 looks nice.
Friday, January 2, 2009
I think I may like waiting on baseball season to start more than when baseball season starts. Only becuase the Astros will most likely fail in a lot of areas this year, and probably years to come. Who cares though? It's always fun thinking about how it *COULD* happen. Geoff Blum as our 3rd baseman? Aaron Boone? No pitchers? Oh well! We don't have to start bitching until April (March if they REALLY suck in spring training).
Looking forward to:
- Yankees failing with 700 billion dollar payroll
- The MLB dumpster that is the NL West
- Astros winning games 16-15
Not looking forward to:
- Turning on ESPN even though I know its a mistake everytime (if only to try and catch a brief brief brief brief highlight of a walk off homerun, because hey... ESPN doesn't give a fuck about Houston)
- Astros losing games by 19 runs
- Hunter pence sucking again
- Having Miguel Tejada on the team
- Anyone pitching
Hey D, you wanna try a different kind of blog rivarly for baseball? 2 teams in some other division? I like the idea, because there are teams I like out there but I don't pay very much attention to them... I like the Twins, and I find myself rooting for the Marlins, A's, and Blue Jays alot. Let me know what you think.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Cowboys? Sit the fuck down!
Patriots? Shut the fuck up!
Lions 0-16? Fucking awesome
The Texans made a little something out what they could. Still can lick my sack for the terrible display of "football" they played in some of those games, but whatever
Holidays fucked me up. I ate compulsively and didn't move off the couch. I woke up this morning determined to get back on the horse, and I drank coffee and didn't do any kind of work out.
The office is more annoying with less people in it, because they all want to bother me. Or is it that I just hate people talking to me unless I want to talk back? I guess it's the asshole in me. Small talk is stupid, get to the point.
What else can I ramble about...
Whitlock sucks, I hate his writing and I hate when he fills in for Jim Rome. He's so biased on some things that people expect that he's going to be biased and let him blow everything out of proportion and then he gets rewarded for it /runon
Are those girls down the page enough yet?
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Friday, December 19, 2008
Here's one of these times.
The media is going to make this sound like the Yankees are geniuses, and the Red Sox are failures. The Yankees sign 2 coveted starting pitchers, the Red Sox pull out of the Texierearerareara deal.
This is just a way for the Red Sox to say, "look you fucking retards, not only are you mental for blowing eleventy billion dollars on free agency, we aren't even going to sign this guy and still beat you."
I've already laid out my stance on C.C. And AJ? (Imagine me sitting at a table with the Yankees brass and Brown/Pavano/Johnson/younameit standing behind me) Tell me the truth guys, did you pull a Bill Clinton and look for the closest thing you could find with a vagina?
I would like to call Tesh-ara an "85." Meaning he's 85% of what a "team's best player" should be. No way should he get 20 something million dollars a year.
Stick your chest out today Yankee fan, its going to hurt in 2012 when the payroll is 400 million and you still get beat by the 40 million Rays.
This happens everytime, I spend so much time ranting that I forget shit and I end up some place way off from where I started. I hate blogging. Fuck this!
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Well. As I look through the scores. I lost to the 1-12 team in the losers bracket, after losing the first round of the losers bracket.
I don't care what it says at the end of the season. THIS GUY IS THE WORST LOSER.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Now I must get back on the horse, and it didn't help that I forgot to set my alarm to do my HIIT this morning. Now I gotta do it at night and that sucks.
On to some sports.
Andre Johnson for the mother-fucking win. Why did we ever let Jonathan pick him up in the draft? I'm definitely trying to pick himup next year. I had 'em last year but he was hurt for quite a bit.
How great do the Titans act in defeat? You are only trumped by the faggotry-ness (what?) of Cowboys players and fans. I won't throw the quotes on here but they are pretty lame.
Suck it Tennessee. Discredit us all day, have fun getting kicked the fuck out of the playoffs.
Friday, December 12, 2008
He's a beast!
Makes this ballad fucking awesome
Is a southern rock fan.
Can riff you to death.
The list goes on.
Like me, Zakk, you show in your music that you appreciate many different types of music. You're musician's pallette contains many more colors than 'gunmetal gray.' I don't believe theres a better combo of instruments to know than Guitar & Piano. You sir have mastered both. I aspire to use your influence in my music whenever possible. So welcome, enjoy your immortality (or as long as Move to Dallas has a server to deliver this blog)
Side note: Too many times I have seen idiots with worthless opinions post on forums, article comments, and youtube comments. So much hate out there for so many guitarists. I believe appreciation has been lost. So I'm going to appreciate.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Helps 'em? You bet.
Playoffs? I wouldn't bet money against it.
Drag on the notion that money buys championship? CHECK!
I guess it's my (kind of) blue collar upbringing, but I just hate teams that buy every fucking player they can. That's the only criteria. You buy every fucking free agent there is, I hate you. You're the equivalent of the asshole who's parents bought you that nice car when you were 16 and you wrecked it. That's what the Yankees do just about every year. Buy themselves (sometimes old) nice cars and metaphorically wreck their season. I don't know where I was going with that.
CC has been pretty damn dominant, hes a surefire ace on any staff.
Ready for my oh so bold predictions?
- CC is fat. He's David Wells fat. Yes, I know David Wells pitched a perfect game as a fat drunk man, he was also not suppose to be Christ reborn. This fatness will not help him in the upcomming years. Depression will hit him like a falling rock after the New York media portrays him as the fat characters off Austin Powers (those movies blow btw). He will eat, and become fatter. Welcome to New York, Bartolo Colon! (This may be a little over the top)
- Those outings where he just ate the innings will take their toll. 'Ate' the innings. Man I crack myself up. Pitchers now are pussies, they aren't built like Nolan, all those 5 billion inning outings last year will catch up to him in a few years.
- New York sucks. Also, how many pitchers have signed there as free agents, coming off spectacular years only to spend a few years in NY as mediocre to above average pitchers? Anything less than 20 games/3.00 era/250+ innings is a failure... that is a bad sign.
Deadspin commenter: "Enjoy your fat Mike Hampton, New York"
Personally... welcome to my "God I fucking hate ___" list.